Nicholas R. Cordrey Foundation

Tag: love

  • All You Need is a Sign

    When Nick was 3, he absolutely loved the Beatles. Yes, those Beatles.

    He played his Beatles Greatest Hits CDs over and over and over. Often times to the point where his then 5 year old brother would practically beg to listen to anything else.

    Well, back in the fall of 2022, the Beatles kept popping up in my life randomly. Some would call these types of moments “Godwinks,” while others recognize these moments of divine origin as simple coincidences. I know many say the signs are from their own loved ones in heaven, and then medical professionals seem to attribute these types of experiences to apophenia which is the mind’s tendency to perceive a connection in random things or objects. I will leave it up to you to interpret for yourselves. For me, I often just simply acknowledge the moment, and say:

    Hi Nick.

    Many say Nick was an old soul from an early age, thus his love love for the Beatles. As a teenager, despite his love for name brands, if you knew him, you knew that kid was hyper focused on making a difference as well as meaningful connections and building his knowledge base. He was deeply empathetic. Nick was fairly in tune with his own emotions and feelings from an early age, so his compassion for others was not surprising to us and neither was Nick’s love for the Beatles at 3.

    Nick’s musical preferences were not pushed upon him by his dad or me. He heard a song at preschool, and thereafter he asked for more of “them guys,” the “yellow sub,” and “love.” We obliged. Say what you will about the Beatles, I know they are not for everyone, but Nick loved them for a bit. And who doesn’t love to hear a 3 year old singing:

    All you need is love
    All you need is love
    All you need is love, love
    Love is all you need.

    https://www.thebeatles.com/all-you-need-love-0

    The 1967 song is timeless. All these years later, love remains everything. Hi Nick.

  • Through the Dark

    At 93 days from the day the brain aneurysm stole Nick from us, we barely recognized ourselves. Life was a mere series of distractions designed to keep away the pain that intensified when there was quiet. Yet, we also had little energy to keep moving. It was a catch-22. No escape. It still is in 2023, if I am honest. Until Nick’s death, our awareness of tragedy was limited to stories from others.

    Back in September of 2020, life without Nick was new and so difficult. It’s still the same now. And, much like now, I had been spending time in his room, running my fingers over his prized possessions, hoping to find him. One afternoon, I found a little notebook on the underside of his bed and, inside, a poem. Although the exact timing isn’t clear, it appears Nick likely wrote the poem around the time he was going on that incredible trip to D.C. His first big (and only) trip without us, where he happily ventured into the world with friends (and teachers).

    Nick wrote:

    You never thought this day would come
    When had to say goodbye
    You always want them
    Right there by your side
    They’ll always have a place in your heart
    And they’ll guide you through the dark
    Because Mom I love you
    No matter if we’re apart.

    -NICK CORDREY

    Whatever the reason, it’s incredible. It broke me. It breaks me today. I simultaneously feel a fraction of joy and immense sadness each time I read it. I cry every single time.

    The poem applies right now more than ever, but it wasn’t about death. Yet, it fits within these circumstances. He’s the “you” here; “them” is us, his family. Context indicates it was the D.C. trip, but he and I had often talked about college too, and his desire to study abroad, so I suppose it could have been related to that as well. Nonetheless, how amazing is Nick? I don’t think I found the poem by accident that day, but I also don’t think he intended on us reading it in 2020. And he definitely didn’t plan on me sharing it with the internet…but I believe he wouldn’t mind.

    This poem shows who Nick was in this world. He was a deep thinker, a caring and kind, and yes, old soul. To say that we miss him is the greatest understatement of all time. We will never accept this tragedy. We recognize its unfairness and, in bold disobedience, we choose to go on living.

    I hope we keep finding little bits of Nick when needed, we we try to survive in the dark. Because we love him, no matter if we’re apart. That’s why it hurts so much.

    (c) original by Nicholas R. Cordrey