Slowly, I am cleaning Nick’s room. It’s a process (one that I imagine will last for quite some time).
While going through his bookshelf, I found several notebooks. One in particular that is dated 2015 and it has a Fleur de Lis cover designed by Nick in 5th grade. He was probably 10 years old when this wrote in this notebook. On one of the many pages, filled with doodles, as well as maps and plans for the neighborhood summer Olympics, I found “DJABBIC” written a few times followed by a couple of lines that read:
“You see a man & u want to judge; To see who he is or what he does.”
Don’t judge a book by its cover, followed by words of wisdom from a child.
My hope is that this writing was not the result of something Nick was experiencing at the time. I hope he wasn’t feeling judged at 10. Instead, I hope this was an observation, a comment, a statement on life.
Nick lived his life in a rather non-judgmental way. Even at an early age, he tried to get to know a person; and, as reaffirmed recently by friends, Nick was just as kind to those that were not kind to him as he was to his friends.
We talked often about how you never knew what someone was going through, so be kind. Always. We talked about how some people could hide their emotions, while others could not, and both could result in negative behavior. It was imperative that we be kind to one another in a world that teaches us to be anything but kind.
I’d like to tell you that Nick’s outlook on life was the direct result of his upbringing, but I don’t know if that’s accurate. Maybe it was a combination of parental influence and Nick’s innate ability to love others. Finding the notebook, and this particular entry, was a great reminder to me, especially in this new era of daily emotional turmoil. I plan to remember DJABBIC, and I hope others do the same as we mourn our son.
Written by Nick’s mom in August 2020.